There are things that are part of human relationships, and others that exceed the prerogative of having a “bad day”, things you shouldn’t tolerate. A few years ago, it would have been inconsiderable to ask for a salary raise (you had to wait for it to be offered), or even to complain about something at work or your studies. So many things would have been unthinkable, but times changes.

Not tolerating certain things comes to nip stress at the root. It means that you put your mental and spiritual health before any “good manners”. Remember that good manners are not about putting up with any attitude that hurts you. You can withdraw from a compromising situation, always with good manners, and you will not have to stay to listen or experience things that you do not need in your life.

20 types of social violence and how to stop them

1.- Negative comments

Negative comments that don’t build up anything are absolutely unnecessary in any type of relationship: as a couple, family, friendship, work, and especially strangers on the street.

If there is something you don’t like, you can say so. But you should always find a way to say it properly. There is no need to make complaints that lead nowhere. In the same way, you should not put up with negative comments from anyone. If they don’t have something to contribute that works for you, just turn around and go away.

At first it may seem rude if you just walk away, but you can apologize by gently tapping the arm of the person who is licking you and slowly walk away to a different location. 

Remember that what does not add, subtract. Unsolicited opinions and more when they are negative, only bring communicating confusion. So just don’t listen to them and walk away.

2.- Toxic people

There are people who have negative comments all the time.

And when they don’t say them in front of you, they say them behind your back. Most of the time, their attitudes respond to resentment, jealousy, envy or any other capital sin.

Well, let me tell you. If a person can never give you constructive criticism, keeps complaining, and basically does not add anything good to your life … then is a toxic person.

People who bring you stress and bad vibes all the time are people you shouldn’t have in your life. If they are family members or friends of friends, you must learn to relate to them in the most concise way possible so that there are no misunderstandings.

Just treat them in a pleasant way, but not more than necessary. That way you don’t give them the space to be toxic with you or around you.


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3.- A bad job

I have been there. If you have a job that stresses you to go to every morning, with colleagues who do nothing more than give you more tasks than you have to do, and with bosses who only bring out the bad in you … it is a bad job.

It doesn’t matter how much money it gives you (you probably just stick around for that). It’s sucking life out of you, believe me.

Work stress and – above all – work abuse, are a very common evil that you should not bear. I know that the needs and the security of receiving a salary at the end of the month weigh, AND A LOT. But this is one of this things you shouldn’t tolerate in any way.

It took me more than a year to realize that I was suffering from labor abuse and everyone was telling me to quit my job. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, quit my job? No way!

But I was finally forced to do it when it started to affect my health in many different ways. And it will sound strange, but I have not suffered a cold outside of that work environment that was draining me.

So, take the initiative, talk to your boss about what is wrong with you and if that doesn’t change things, just QUIT. I promise that there are other fishes in the sea that will want to use your expertise and experience.

4.- Misplaced bosses

You wouldn’t be the first to love your job, but loathe the way your bosses behave. It happens very often.

Maybe what you do is something you enjoy doing, and you even wake up happy to go to work every day. But once you get there, the boss starts telling jokes that don’t appeal to anyone, spoil your mood with an inappropriate comment or criticize you for things that have nothing to do with your job (like your hair or your dress).

You can try dressing appropriately for work, or even divert their attention with your high productivity, but they always keep the feedback. Yes, those bosses exist.

Try to make it clear that you love your work, but unnecessary comments take away your concentration, which is why you would prefer to keep all conversations within the framework of work.

5.- Discrimination

Although we are in the 21st century and it is quite obvious, there are still people who exclude you from certain issues just because you are different in something (as if we were not all).

So discrimination still exists, even though it’s very 1950s (so last century)… some people don’t learn. The moment you feel discriminated based on your differences, feel free to point it out.

It is a situation that you certainly should not tolerate, and that you should also be able to confront. If you are excluded from something because of your religion, way of looking or speaking, your nationality or whatever, point it out to disarm any apparent arguments the other person has (no one is openly discriminating).

6.- External pressure

Continuous external pressure is a very common form of social violence.

I’ve gotten tired of hearing things like “when are you going to get married?”, “When are you going to have children?”, Or “how many years do you have to finish college?”

People don’t think that you have a reality that is not the same as anyone else’s. It took me 9 years to graduate from university because I had up to two jobs at the same time and did another career in parallel, but I was not going to explain that to everyone who looked at me in amazement because I was STILL studying.

At first i would just smile to answer and change the subject. But I have discovered that it is healthy (and prevents them from repeating the question later), to concisely explain my position: I do not want to get married, I do not want to have children, it took me a while to graduate because I had a life while studying. But thanks for your interest!

Social mandates are simply not for everyone. Not all of us were made to fulfill them, some of us may think differently. Over time, we will stop asking intimate questions of other people’s lives, making them feel that they have to meet an expectation that is external.

And in the meantime, each of you should feel free to answer what makes you feel best.


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7.- Destructive habits

Other times, the damage does not come from outside, but from within.

There are things that we should not tolerate from others, and also from ourselves. Basically, everything that does us wrong.

There is no need to go into details, I am not talking about smoking or drinking a little alcohol (although that is also bad in excess). I’m talking about self-sabotage, victimization, mistreating yourself. If it is about lack of self-esteem, you can give this post a read.

And if you cannot propose a challenge, shock therapy, or meditation to overcome your self-destructive habit, the most sensible thing is to ask a friend or a professional for help. After all, you are your worst enemy.

8.- Lack of communication

If there is something that should not happen in your social relationships (especially intimate ones), it is the lack of communication. It is a type of passive violence that hurts you and hurts other people.

Don’t let something unsaid, or something wrong said, ruin a meaningful relationship. If you are an impulsive person, wait as long as it takes before talking to someone about a sensitive topic.

But with or without time in between, you shouldn’t keep anything to yourself. You learn the worst ways that it is better to say what you want and what you don’t want, on time. Lack of communication can bring consequences to your relationships that can ruin it forever, so take courage and say what you have to say, always in a good way.

9.- Lack of respect

At the risk of sounding like a grandmother, I must say that there are many ways to disrespect a person. And it is one of the things that you shouldn’t tolerate in any measure, because once you allow a little disrespect, only a greater one will follow.

And I’m not talking about manners of language, like saying “you” instead of “Sr”. I’m talking about making hurtful, misplaced, unconstructive, or insulting comments. If someone is openly missing you about it, the best thing to do is correct it.

If you let it go, it will happen again. If you correct it with good manners, they will not dare again.

10.- Control over your person

Any attempt to control you is something that you should not tolerate.

Your decisions should be yours: your friends, the clothes you wear, how to wear your hair or your makeup. It seems obvious, but we can get to relate to people who little by little are limiting our personality and begin to corner us so that our decisions are actually theirs.

How? For example, friends that little by little begin to speak ill of other friends to discredit them and that we stop seeing them, or couples that suggest that you should not wear very short skirts, or that they like it better when you do not have makeup …

You should be able to appreciate the opinion (mostly unsolicited), and make it clear that you like to do it your way, but that you will definitely take their preferences into account. Like, for the next time or… never lol

So, how do you feel about this things? Have you experienced them? Tell me in the comments how you reacted, i wanna know all!

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One comment

  1. learntolook · September 12, 2020

    Right? We should be around people that add value to our lives. Thanks for reading hun!